Identity:
Where do you find your joy and contentment?
The Bible is counter-cultural. But we can expect that. The Bible is claiming to be the word of God (it is), and isn’t always practical in our lives, but it is wiser than or view of what’s practical.
Every heart is looking for joy. The drive of every heart is joy. Every joy has a shelf life. Other people are not big enough to uphold your ultimate joy.
The little boy and the little girl both need to sit down. The godly man and the godly woman need to stand up. Incompetence is not an invitation to avoid responsibility.
Perspective (1 Corinthians 7:28)
Marriage is not your hope for a better life. Marriage isn’t an easy commitment. It’s a gift, but it’s hard, and there will be conflict and friction at times. It’s beautiful, but it won’t save you from your insecurities, fears or loneliness. There’s added responsibilities: a spouse’s life, kids, more bills, etc.
Marriage is great. But it’s not a savior. We can’t make it an idol. It can’t give you your ultimate identity. If you look to a spouse for your significance, you will crush that person.
Religion Saves and 9 Other Misconceptions
“When Heaven is conceived of as a couple, and hell is conceived as being single, then a dating partner or spouse becomes the functional savior that’s worshiped to get us out of our hell and into our Heaven.” – Mark Driscoll
And singleness can be an idol, too.
“When Heaven is conceived of as independence and hell is conceived of as an interdependence, then singleness is worshiped as a functional savior”. – Mark Driscoll
We’re not to be defined by our relationship status.
The Bible is counter-cultural. But we can expect that. The Bible is claiming to be the word of God (it is), and isn’t always practical in our lives, but it is wiser than or view of what’s practical.
Every heart is looking for joy. The drive of every heart is joy. Every joy has a shelf life. Other people are not big enough to uphold your ultimate joy.
The little boy and the little girl both need to sit down. The godly man and the godly woman need to stand up. Incompetence is not an invitation to avoid responsibility.
Perspective (1 Corinthians 7:28)
Marriage is not your hope for a better life. Marriage isn’t an easy commitment. It’s a gift, but it’s hard, and there will be conflict and friction at times. It’s beautiful, but it won’t save you from your insecurities, fears or loneliness. There’s added responsibilities: a spouse’s life, kids, more bills, etc.
Marriage is great. But it’s not a savior. We can’t make it an idol. It can’t give you your ultimate identity. If you look to a spouse for your significance, you will crush that person.
Religion Saves and 9 Other Misconceptions
“When Heaven is conceived of as a couple, and hell is conceived as being single, then a dating partner or spouse becomes the functional savior that’s worshiped to get us out of our hell and into our Heaven.” – Mark Driscoll
And singleness can be an idol, too.
“When Heaven is conceived of as independence and hell is conceived of as an interdependence, then singleness is worshiped as a functional savior”. – Mark Driscoll
We’re not to be defined by our relationship status.
Christ has purchased our identity. It’s not a cure for loneliness.
Singleness is not to be loved or loathed. It is to be leveraged for the Kingdom of God. (1 Corinthians 7:32) Your devotion can be completely given to the Lord when you’re not divided with your affections. When you get married, you bind yourself to a spouse, and your devotion and your ministry changes. If you’re single, you can have the motto: Serve, give and go. Video games, shopping, etc? Where is your time and resources going?
Preparation
Some people have the gift of singleness. That’s a blessing. Most of us don’t have that gift. (And that's a hard thing to be content with.) Most of us will get married at some point. This takes preparation.
Focus on your character. Focus on your finances.
Singleness is not to be loved or loathed. It is to be leveraged for the Kingdom of God. (1 Corinthians 7:32) Your devotion can be completely given to the Lord when you’re not divided with your affections. When you get married, you bind yourself to a spouse, and your devotion and your ministry changes. If you’re single, you can have the motto: Serve, give and go. Video games, shopping, etc? Where is your time and resources going?
Preparation
Some people have the gift of singleness. That’s a blessing. Most of us don’t have that gift. (And that's a hard thing to be content with.) Most of us will get married at some point. This takes preparation.
Focus on your character. Focus on your finances.
Men: Quit wasting your time and prepare yourself to lead a house. Purify your heart, guard your eyes. Become a trustworthy man. Be a one-woman kind of man who is faithful and responsible. Be a man after God’s heart who will be able to marry a godly woman. Get on the right trajectory. You don’t have to be perfect. Your role is the Christ-portraying figure. What’s your mission?
Women: Focus on your character. Ask God to give you the wisdom and the patience it takes to have a submissive heart. Not a doormat, but submission. Your role is the church in the relationship.
What is marriage? What’s our vision for marriage?
Women: Focus on your character. Ask God to give you the wisdom and the patience it takes to have a submissive heart. Not a doormat, but submission. Your role is the church in the relationship.
What is marriage? What’s our vision for marriage?
What’s God’s vision for marriage?
Mutual submission.
Mutual submission.
Marriage is a parable. Check Ephesians 5. The greater call is on the husband. The responsibility to bear the weight of accountability in the relationship. You are to serve and honor and lay down your life.
Women: Are you aware of the kind of man you want? Someone you can trust with your ultimate well-being?
We are not to put a person above Christ, but to put someone else above you, under Christ. Christ is our example in this. We are to serve.
What kind of man do you want? What kind of woman do you want? What is the purpose for marriage? What are the reasons for you get married? It’s not because you’ve fallen in love. The purpose is much bigger than that.
The purpose for marriage is to reflect the Gospel of Jesus to the person you’ve married and the world around you. Men are to display the love and loyalty of Jesus towards his wife. Women are to display the love and loyalty of the church towards their savior, Jesus. It’s to be a reflection of that unity. Marriage is a parable.
Genesis 2:18-25
No suitable helper was found for Adam, then woman was fashioned. And then we get poetry. Then we get the first marriage. They’ll be one flesh, which points towards exclusivity and permanence and intimacy.
Why it doesn’t work, or is really hard: Sin
Genesis 3:16
The word desire isn’t a passionate thing. It’s not a sex thing. That’s not a curse. It’s a control thing. It’s the same word in chapter four when God warns Cain.
Ephesians 5:22-33
Husband is the Christ-portraying figure. Wife is the church portraying figure. Marriage is a parable.
Pursuit
Single guys typically want the hot girl that loves Jesus. We are consumers by nature. We want perfection and low maintenance. That’s not the Gospel. That’s consumerism. How about we become more interested in their lives than their looks? How about we focus less on who they are now to who they will be? Find someone who will make you step your game up. Find someone who will make you want to be better.
Men are to be the pursuers. If God is preparing you to love and lead a wife, you are called to pursue a godly woman. Woman. Not women. Women: If a man can’t pursue you, and you alone, in a dating relationship, it’s going to be hard for him to pursue you, and you alone in a marriage relationship.
Women: If you have guys just hanging around, and you have no intention of marrying them, what are you really doing? Is it just so you feel valued? What's the motivation?
1 Corinthians 7:39: We are to engage in dating relationships with other Christians. Faith is more than preferences. This is a core issue that has to do with the course of our lives. Faith is important.
Seek out godly people for advice on this. Seek affirmation. You need friends, not fans. People who will be honest with you. I love Darrin Patrick's comment on this. If you're single, it's likely because there are areas where you're awkward and could use some help. Ask them: Where am I kinda weird?
Purity
Our culture has cheapened sex. It’s turned it into a common thing. It’s turned into a sort of test drive for a relationship to gage compatibility.
The reality is sex is a commitment strengthening action. Sex is the ultimate act of affection. Don’t make the ultimate investment where there is not ultimate commitment. There are acts that are appropriate for each relational context. Sex is for relationships of exclusivity and commitment.
If you seek to enjoy the pleasures of sex without seeking the purpose of sex, it loses its power as a covenant-strengthening activity. It’s like duct tape. If you use it over and over, on and off, on and off, then it loses its cohesive power.
One of the problems of our culture is too many people are having sex before marriage and not enough sex after marriage.
The major world religions don’t agree on much of anything. They do agree on the issue of sex before marriage.
Christ can cleanse us if we’ve messed this up or made mistakes. He can heal us. There’s still hope. Ask him to change your vision of sex and relationships.
Jesus didn’t come to condemn us, but to save us. So if we’ve already messed this up, we can be cleansed and forgiven. Do not call unclean what the Lord has called clean.
Women: Are you aware of the kind of man you want? Someone you can trust with your ultimate well-being?
We are not to put a person above Christ, but to put someone else above you, under Christ. Christ is our example in this. We are to serve.
What kind of man do you want? What kind of woman do you want? What is the purpose for marriage? What are the reasons for you get married? It’s not because you’ve fallen in love. The purpose is much bigger than that.
The purpose for marriage is to reflect the Gospel of Jesus to the person you’ve married and the world around you. Men are to display the love and loyalty of Jesus towards his wife. Women are to display the love and loyalty of the church towards their savior, Jesus. It’s to be a reflection of that unity. Marriage is a parable.
Genesis 2:18-25
No suitable helper was found for Adam, then woman was fashioned. And then we get poetry. Then we get the first marriage. They’ll be one flesh, which points towards exclusivity and permanence and intimacy.
Why it doesn’t work, or is really hard: Sin
Genesis 3:16
The word desire isn’t a passionate thing. It’s not a sex thing. That’s not a curse. It’s a control thing. It’s the same word in chapter four when God warns Cain.
Ephesians 5:22-33
Husband is the Christ-portraying figure. Wife is the church portraying figure. Marriage is a parable.
Pursuit
Single guys typically want the hot girl that loves Jesus. We are consumers by nature. We want perfection and low maintenance. That’s not the Gospel. That’s consumerism. How about we become more interested in their lives than their looks? How about we focus less on who they are now to who they will be? Find someone who will make you step your game up. Find someone who will make you want to be better.
Men are to be the pursuers. If God is preparing you to love and lead a wife, you are called to pursue a godly woman. Woman. Not women. Women: If a man can’t pursue you, and you alone, in a dating relationship, it’s going to be hard for him to pursue you, and you alone in a marriage relationship.
Women: If you have guys just hanging around, and you have no intention of marrying them, what are you really doing? Is it just so you feel valued? What's the motivation?
1 Corinthians 7:39: We are to engage in dating relationships with other Christians. Faith is more than preferences. This is a core issue that has to do with the course of our lives. Faith is important.
Seek out godly people for advice on this. Seek affirmation. You need friends, not fans. People who will be honest with you. I love Darrin Patrick's comment on this. If you're single, it's likely because there are areas where you're awkward and could use some help. Ask them: Where am I kinda weird?
Purity
Our culture has cheapened sex. It’s turned it into a common thing. It’s turned into a sort of test drive for a relationship to gage compatibility.
The reality is sex is a commitment strengthening action. Sex is the ultimate act of affection. Don’t make the ultimate investment where there is not ultimate commitment. There are acts that are appropriate for each relational context. Sex is for relationships of exclusivity and commitment.
If you seek to enjoy the pleasures of sex without seeking the purpose of sex, it loses its power as a covenant-strengthening activity. It’s like duct tape. If you use it over and over, on and off, on and off, then it loses its cohesive power.
One of the problems of our culture is too many people are having sex before marriage and not enough sex after marriage.
The major world religions don’t agree on much of anything. They do agree on the issue of sex before marriage.
Christ can cleanse us if we’ve messed this up or made mistakes. He can heal us. There’s still hope. Ask him to change your vision of sex and relationships.
Jesus didn’t come to condemn us, but to save us. So if we’ve already messed this up, we can be cleansed and forgiven. Do not call unclean what the Lord has called clean.
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